Chris and Cindy Beall have shared their story on the 700 Club. It is the story of where an addiction to pornography led, and the redemptive power of God when 2 people are willing to do whatever it takes. Check out my previous post for more details.
Here is the video for the story. Catch the full show on TBN or ABC Family TODAY, November 10th! Set your DVR- You won’t want to miss it!
Chris and Cindy on the 700 Club
If you are in a marriage that is recovering from a physical affair, this book is for you.
If you are in a marriage that is recovering from an emotional affair, this book is for you.
If you are in a marriage that is teetering on the edge of a physical or emotional affair, this book is for you.
If you are in a marriage in which pornography has a place, this book is for you.
If you think you or your spouse would never be unfaithful, this book is for you.
If you want to prevent and protect your marriage from unfaithfulness, this book is for you.
Are you getting the picture?
This is a story about what only God can do, when 2 people in a marriage are willing to do….
“WHATEVER IT TAKES”!
This past spring, I had the priviledge of meeting a beautiful woman, Cindy Beall. Cindy was a facilitator at my table at a Leading and Loving It retreat I attended for women in ministry. Her book “Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken” Finding Forgiveness and Restoration, was released in August, 2011. Cindy candidly tells her story. The story of how her respected pastor husband, Chris, confessed to an addiction to pornography that grew into multiple affairs and lead to the pregnancy of one of the women with which he had been unfaithful. It is one of the greatest stories of redemption I have ever heard, but it did not come neatly packaged with a bow. Cindy’s book is raw, honest, real, and extremely powerful. She shares what she experienced and did from the moment of the confession to the redemptive marriage they experience today. She made her way from shock, pain, and betrayal to forgiveness, strength, and restoration. It’s a brilliant testimony of what God can do when 2 people in a marriage are willing to do “whatever it takes” in even the worst of situations. I was also profoundly affected by the way their church and it’s leadership came along side them and played a role in their redemption, rather than “shooting their own” the way it often happens. They could do this because Chris had a heart of repentance and willingness to humble himself and make himself accountable to multiple people. Cindy faced the choice of staying or leaving and her decision was not instantaneous. Read her book to see how God redeemed what no man could.
It is a resource in my library I will recommend to every married or engaged couple.
You can Check out Cindy’s website by clicking here. You can watch her trailer to the book by clicking here.
This week I read online that this tattooed Barbie is causing quite the controversy. Her name is Tokidoki Barbie. As I read through some articles to see what was really being criticized about this doll (because to me she was no more anti-age appropriate than many other dolls out there), the overrall theme was that this Barbie was a “bad role model” and that girls who look to Barbie as a “role model” were being let down.
What? Tattoos or no tattoos, what are we doing giving Barbie the status of role model? I am a mom of 3, 2 of which are little girls who happen to enjoy barbies, and if I have an issue with tattoos I’ll have to get rid of my pastor hubby too because he has several of them (and He still loves Jesus!) Having said that, my husband and I make great efforts to preserve the childhoods of our children against a culture that pushes them to grow up WAY too fast. But seriously, if we are teaching our girls that a plastic doll is what we aspire to be, then we have way bigger issues than a few tattoos!
My writing today is not to say whether anyone should or shouldn’t purchase this doll for their little girl. Parents must make decisions every day about what they will allow their children to wear, or not wear, have or not have, go or not go, and do or not do. These decisions should be made keeping in mind your child’s personality, strengths, weaknesses, and stage of development. It is irrelevant to me if you purchase this toy or any other toy. My question for you is this:
Do you know who it is your children look to as their primary role model?
It’s YOU!
The person God has placed in their life as their authority figure. Like it or not, they are watching, soaking in, and internalizing your example. They hunger for your guidance. They long for it, even when they appear to reject it. They will model their life after you, not a celebrity, not a fictional character, not a supermodel, YOU. They may not choose the same clothes as you or like the same music, but they will absorb what it is that you deem important. They will discern what you make a priority. They will learn to value what you value.
I was once a little girl who played Barbies. And do you know, that not one time as an adult have I ever said “boy, I wish I were more like Barbie?” Not once. And I’ll go out on a limb and say you haven’t either. There was never a “preacher’s wife barbie”, yet here I am, loving Jesus, loving serving Him through ministry. (Though if they ever make “preacher’s wife barbie” I hope they let me design it because I know they would butcher it and I would make it AWESOME!) No, my model was my mother who taught me to be a woman of character, grace, and dignity. And if you didn’t have a mother who filled this role for you, I’m sure there was another living, breathing woman you could look to for this at some point in your life.
I am not saying our children aren’t influenced by culture or that we don’t have to shield them from absorbing things that are too mature for their precious lives. I have said “no” to many things that have gone against the grain for my children and I am not afraid to keep on for the sake of fighting for their childhood when no one else will. It’s my responsibility and I take it very seriously. What I am saying is that even with all of the intrusions we experience culturally that we must ward off for the sake of the innocence of our children, YOU are still the one with the most influence in their lives. You may feel it is their friends, celebrities, or the kids pressuring them at school, but it’s still YOU. God designed it that way. He gave you the power, authority, and voice in their lives. Lead them with your words. Lead them with boundaries. Lead them with priorities. Lead them with your example. They need you!
Please don’t abdicate your leadership over to anyone. Especially not a Barbie doll!
“The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.” Proverbs 20:7
FYI: Tokidoki Barbie is not sold in toy stores and is a $50.00 collector’s Barbie. She is currently sold out.
THIS WAS MY BANANA SEAT BIKE
This was my favorite bike as a little girl. I loved it because I got it for my birthday. It wasn’t a hand me down (popular for us 3rd born children) and it reminded me of a creamcicle:) It said “Sundance” on the side and I thought it was just beautiful. On that bike, I rode all over my neighborhood with friends. I loved it. As an adult, I still look back at this bike with fond memories. One of my favorite is the day my brother, Jamie taught me to ride it. My previous bike had training wheels and squeaked loudly as I rode it down the sidewalk. But this bike had no training wheels, so it was time to learn to ride a 2 wheeler. I can still remember the instructions Jamie gave me as he ran along behind me holding onto that silver bar on the back of the seat. ”Look straight ahead, don’t look to the side or back at me or you’ll wreck”. I followed his directions, and happily, when he let go, I stayed upright…..most of the time.
Here I sit, 30 something years later, and I think about the wisdom of those directions. He didn’t realize at the time the wisdom of his words, and how they applied not to just riding a bike, but so many things in life. It’s even in the Bible! Check out this verse I read today:
“Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.” Proverbs 4:26-27
How often do we get distracted from what matters in life? Looking to the distractions on our left, or on our right. The things that take our eyes and minds off of what is important, what is righteous, what is lasting? The petty things that ultimately won’t matter, yet keep us from doing what we’re called to do. And what happens to us when we get side tracked? We slow down. We slip into the rubble, We fall. We slowly begin to head the wrong way….off the path.
The path won’t be a literal straight line, but it will be the right path. When I learned to ride that bike, I missed a very important point initially- to turn when the road turns. I recall a day in my early learning that I was so focused on going straight, that I failed to turn with the sidewalk. And guess what happened….I ran right into a tree. I was focused on the wrong thing- the tree. I remember even thinking so hard- don’t hit the tree, don’t hit the tree, and I was so focused on the tree- I wrapped my bike around it! I ran right into what I was focused on. I also learned not to look too closely in front of me. If you look directly at the path in front of you, you’ll oversteer. You’ll notice every detail of the sidewalk, swerve to miss the slightest pebble, but miss what’s further out- where you’re really headed!
I hope the lessons I learned on a banana seat bike will encourage you today. Don’t be distracted by what’s happening on your left or right. Look ahead at the big picture of where you’re going. Stay strong and faithful, and follow the path God lays out for you. Make Him your focus. Not the path. Not the tree. Not the people bickering on your left. Not the financial crisis on your right. Trust Him as you make the turns he lays out, even when it’s a turn you don’t want to make because it looks like a frightening road. He’s taking you where He wants you. Right to Him.
This morning I was blessed with the company of several women in our church for our Growth Group. We are doing a study that helps bring into focus what is temporal and what is eternal. It sounds so elementary when you put it into a simple statement- something we might shrug off and think we already know. But when you really look into your mindset, dissect your thoughts, prayers, plans, etc., it becomes so clear that what we often fix our minds on, are things with no real eternal value in and of themselves. That’s not to say that things that happen in our earthly lives don’t matter- on the contrary-God can use these situations to draw us and others to Himself; if we let Him. If we open our eyes and look for the opportunities around us. They aren’t however, the true purpose of our lives.
When my brother died of cancer 2 1/2 years ago, it was after 5 months of intense belief and prayer for an earthly healing. My heart was in a billion pieces, and if mine was in a billion pieces, my parent’s were in a trillion pieces. I had a really hard time making this fit into my belief system- my faulty belief system. The one that said if we prayed and believed enough, healing was the only viable outcome. So when April 23, 2009 came, and my brother went to heaven, I didn’t know what to do with this belief. Did God reject my faith? Was it not enough? Did He hear me? Did He abandon me? Abandon my brother? And then the unthinkable for a pastor’s wife…. Did He even really exist- and if He did…..was He really good? It didn’t feel like He was good at that time.
These questions didn’t come to my mind immediately- God held me afloat and I could only deal with tthe grief of losing my brother. But in the coming months, I began to feel another loss happening- the loss of my faith. Not because I wanted to be angry, or blame someone, but because it just didn’t fit what I believed about God. I was so confused, and I didn’t feel like I knew how to pray anymore. I didn’t really know if it made a difference, and why do it if it doesn’t make a difference?
Thankfully, The Lord is so big, that He heard all of my questions. He handled them with such tenderness, grace, love, & mercy. I didn’t always feel Him in those dark days, but He carefully gave me things to hold onto, just when I needed them. One of the first things He gave me, when I didn’t know what to do with all of this was this verse:
“Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me–everything you heared from me, and saw me doing. Then the god of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:9
As I began to do what I knew to do, and keep the conversations with God going, even when it was to say “I don’t understand Lord”, He began to heal my heart. Did all the pain and grief disappear? No. Were there still tough days? Absolutely- and there still are when it comes to missing my brother terribly.
I still don’t understand why my brother wasn’t healed, but truthfully- no answer would satisfy and make it hurt less. But something was made new in me through this heartwrenching experience. Jesus came alive for me in a way that I don’t know if He would have had my prayers been answered in the way I wanted. You see, I didn’t even realize that the faith I had before, was too absorbed in the temporal. It was so much about what I believed God would do, or not do. Now, It’s a faith more grounded in WHO HE IS. This has revolutionized the way I pray. I still pray for things I know are temporal- and I know God cares about my life on earth. But I also know, it isn’t the main goal. It is a pathway, a journey to the eternal. And boy, have I learned how much I need Him on this journey. I don’t think I realized before just how much I need Him. Every moment of the day.
If we give God a chance to work in us, He can use any experience-good or bad- to draw ourselves and others to Himself. So if you find yourself asking unthinkable questions or thinking unthinkable thoughts, KNOW, that you can take those very things to Him. He wants to hear from you, It’s why He created you- to be in a real, living, relationship with Him. Don’t let bitterness or anger take hold- that’s what can shipwreck your life- not a circumstance. The circumstance- is temporal, and there is an eternity to think about.
As I began to be able to put into words what God was doing in me (which took a while), one of the phrases that consistenly came to mind was that He was “shaving away my self-reliance”. Then I found this verse that said it for me, and I knew others have felt what I felt:
“We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely on God, Who raises the dead.” 2 Corinthians 1:8-9
So thankful to serve Jesus Christ, and know that though life may bring things that make you feel like you will not make it, He will get you through.
Talk to Him. Be honest. Don’t close off your heart to Him. Let Him enter those scary dark places- the places you don’t even want to admit exist. Or maybe you’re like me- and don’t even know they’re there until something causes them to surface!
Either way- He’s done all of this and so much more for me. He’ll do it for you too.
I LOVE the ministry. I love that God called both my husband and myself to serve Him in this capacity- from the front line, in the trenches, however you want to put it. I couldn’t imagine giving my life to anything else! It can also be very challenging. It’s a unique role that can be isolating in some ways if you let it. I have chosen not to let it.
Here are just a few statistics, taken from Fuller Institute, George Barna, and Pastoral Care, Inc.
* 80% of pastors and 84% of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged much of the time
* 50% feel unable to meet the demands
* 70% do not have someone they consider a close friend
* Only 1 out of 10 actually retire as a minister
* 94% of their families feel the pressures of the ministry
* 70% constantly fight depression
* 50% quit within the first 5 years
* 80% of spouses wish their spouses would choose another profession
* 1700 ministers left the ministry each month last year
Yikes! I love the ministry, I want my friends to love the ministry, and I want to keep loving it, so I am linking arms with other women around the world. In this day and age, you can connect with people from everywhere, not just in your own town (though that’s awesome too!) There’s a verse in the Bible that tells us that 3 chords are stronger than 1. I am excited to be a part of such an encouraging ministry that will strengthen and sharpen us all as we press onward for the Kingdom. It affects us personally, but also trickles into the lives of those we serve alongside in our churches. What an opportunity! I can’t even explain the way it has strengthened, encouraged, and sharpened me personally!
This year I have the awesome privilege of leading a Virtual Community Group through Leading and Loving It! My group is open to all senior pastor’s wives and church planter’s wives and will meet via Skype on the first Thursday of each month at 1:00 pm. There are MANY other groups available at all different times- groups for women’s ministry leaders, youth pastor wives, campus pastor wives, missionary/non-profit, worship leader wives, and other roles of women in ministry. NO ONE should do life alone, and NO ONE should do ministry alone. I invite you to consider joining me in the linking of arms with women around the world, awesome, fun women, who love Jesus and are doing their best to serve Him in the way He MADE them!
If you are not a woman in ministry or the wife of a minister, please pass this along to any that you know. It will be a blessing to them and to your church.
You can view the community groups by clicking here. Be sure to include the group leaders name in your registration.
Have a terrific day!
What is it about the month of August that causes it to get noisy in my head? Maybe you can relate to a noisy head, or maybe you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. For as long as I can remember, my life has operated on a school calendar more than a calendar year. First I was a student myself from ages 5-22, then I was a teacher, and then a mother of school-aged children. Life in the ministry also seems to follow a school calendar. The fall is always a big season after the summer lull.
So for me, it’s always a month of planning. Planning the year- the pace, the activities, what I will focus on, what I will drop not only for myself, but for my family. It’s my “New Year’s”. It is a time I begin to feel the need to bring order to the chaos that overtook the summer. Don’t get me wrong, I love the impromptu summer days, but after a while, I sense my need for structure and order emerging. The urge to get my house back in order, spring clean, end my love affair with ice cream, bring back structure to my day, my routines, etc. Not to mention the financial fun that comes with back to school- uniforms, shoes, supplies, backpacks, lunch boxes, new glasses, school fees, field trip fees, etc, etc, etc. It is also often a time I feel myself leaving my comfort zone. Each year I ask God what He wants to do with me. What are my priorities? What area do you want me to serve, grow, lead, and move forward in? What areas do you want me to let go of? And it never fails, He answers. But first, I have to clear my noisy head.
When I try to make these decisions on my own, it gets really noisy, cluttered, & overwhelming. The thoughts race, the anxiety rises, the feeling of stress lurk about. I begin to wonder if I can really do the things He’s been leading me towards. I get the urge to back out, and return to my little safe comfort zone. You know, the place where you don’t really move forward, take risks, try new things, or grow. AAAHHH! It feels like too much!
BUT, nothing can quiet my mind and my spirit like The Lord. When I stop trying to figure it all out and hop off the treadmill for a while, there He is, patiently waiting for me. Yesterday He rode in the car with me. Today, He’s on the porch with me. Tomorrow, He will have breakfast with me. Oh how He wants to infuse every area of our lives. He longs for us to notice His presence. Acknowledge Him. Trust Him. Spend time with Him.
“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength” Isaiah 30:15
Then suddenly, the fall schedule looks doable. It looks clear. I realize I can’t do this alone, but with God, I can. I can take on new challenges. I can say no to others, guilt free. I can lead my children and others, because I have let God lead me.
When it’s noisy in my head, I can’t hear God. So I must steal away for quiet moments with My Lord and let Him bring order to chaos, silence to screams, and courage to fears.
Only Jesus can do that.
Can you relate to a noisy head?
This past spring I attended a retreat for pastor’s wives and women in ministry. One of our speakers was a Christian woman who works in the division for family movies at 20th Century Fox. She was awesome! She shared with us ways we can influence Hollywood- namely by voting with our wallets. Every time we go see a movie or purchase a movie, we are telling Hollywood “these are the kind of movies I want to see. Make more of these movies”. She also shared that there are Bible studies that go along with some of their family movies! This was completely new information for me and I was SO THRILLED to hear about it. What a fun way to teach your kids! I found it to be so fun and thought some of you may be interested too. Click here to get a link to a free online Bible Study for the movie Rio, which is now out on DVD. Have fun with your families- they’ll remember these moments forever!
And let’s keep voting for Hollywood to make more great family movies!
I love this article written by founder of Leading and Loving It for pastors wives and women in ministry, Lori Wilhite. I invite all of my female ministry/ministry wife friends to begin Leading and Loving It!
The “typical Pastor’s Wife” is dead. You know, that woman who had it all together, never seemed to struggle, played the piano, attended every event, and met everyone’s expectations . . . although she could have had some help with her wardrobe?
I’ve heard, read, and said “I’m not the typical pastor’s wife” so many times, I’ve started to wonder if she really ever existed at all . . . or if she really only existed in people’s minds and expectations.
Some ladies say that as a badge of honor. Most, like us, say it with the guilty knowledge that we aren’t measuring up, that somehow God messed up when he called us to leadership, because we just aren’t “typical.”
We spend massive amounts of time, energy, emotion, and effort comparing ourselves to a myth. And the problem is . . . we fall short. Our attention turns to our shortcomings and failings instead of staying focused on God and who He created us to be.
But the truth is, God knew exactly what he was doing . . . exactly who he was calling. He knows our shortcomings and our struggles, and he has extended his call to leadership and ministry anyway.
Maybe “typical” isn’t what we thought. Maybe there is a new typical. Maybe we aretypical. The more we talk to pastors’ wives, the more we realize how alike we are.
Regardless of age, location, denomination, church style, church size. We’ve noticed that we all seem to have the same questions. The same struggles. The same difficulties.
We are trying to serve God to the best of our abilities while navigating the challenges of leadership and the pulls of life. Sure, it looks different for everyone, but we are working it out.
So we think we’re just going to let what we thought was the “typical” pastor’s wife go by the wayside and link arms with other Christian women, who like us, are just doing their best trying to figure out life and leadership.
We’re going to embrace the knowledge that maybe we are typical … women wanting to know Jesus, support our husbands, love our children, care for our church, wrestle with our own shortcomings, grow in love and grace, keep our heads up during the tough times, acknowledge that we won’t be all things to all people, be available to fellow-strugglers, and embrace who God made us to be.
We are not prefect. But we may well be typical . . . and that is fine by us.
Lori Wilhite is the founder of leadingandlovingit.com for Pastors’ Wives and Women in Ministry and the wife of Jud Wilhite, Senior Pastor at Central Christian Church in Las Vegas.
Last night, my little man, Max, accepted Jesus Christ as his Saviour. For the past several months, he’s been asking so many questions and working all of this out in his heart and mind. He’s been asking about death, what happens when we die, where our bodies go, how do we get to heaven, where is Jesus, and many more questions that could stump a Bible scholar. Why did Uncle Jamie get cancer? How is he in heaven if his body is in the ground? Ugh. Last night he asked a very tough question- “what happens if people don’t choose Jesus”. Wow. Explaining hell to a 6 year old is not fun. You want to give them a free pass that says- no not you buddy! But instead, we carefully explain truth and God’s Word in the most age appropriate way we know how. Max wants all the information before making a decision. It’s his personality. He wants to know all the choices and the consequences of those choices. This is how the conversation needed to go for HIM. The light bulb seemed to come on when he said “so people CHOOSE what they want”. Wow again. He gets it more than most adults! We all have a decision to make. We either believe Jesus is the Son of God and that He came to save us from death, sin, and hell, or we don’t. We either accept Him in our hearts, or we don’t. The Bible says God has placed eternity in the hearts of men. That’s why we search for answers to life’s biggest questions about eternity.
A few minutes later Max said a sincere prayer proclaiming that he wants to choose Jesus. A breathtaking moment. Not because of the words he used, but because of the condition of his precious little heart. This is our biggest prayer for our children. We pray for their health, their futures, their safety, their emotional and physical well-being, but most importantly- we’ve prayed that they would choose Jesus, and recognize Him as the Lord of their lives. This is the the single most important decision of their lives. It affects their eternity.
This is also, only the beginning. The most important step in a beautiful, lifelong relationship with The Lord. It makes me so sad when I hear of Christians who are more concerned with being right, than being in a relationship. That relationship is what transforms us, molds us, guides us, teaches us, and gives us the fruits of the spirit- fruits that I pray to see in myself and my children. Fruits that only come by living a life walking with God. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience, Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-Control. Who wouldn’t want these beautiful qualities in their lives and the lives of their children? We cannot rely on ourselves for this. Human effort won’t cut it. It comes by way of relationship with Christ, and letting Him infuse every area of your life. Just as we cannot save ourselves from hell and our own sins, we cannot “earn” or “try really hard” to have these qualities. They come from God.
So, as I rejoice that my prayer for Chloe and Max’s salvation has been answered, my next prayer for their lives is this:
Freedom from Rules and New Life in Christ:
“And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught and you will overflow with thankfulness. Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. For in Christ lives all the fullness of god in a human body. So you are complete through your union with Christ who is the head over every ruler and authority.” Colossians 2:6-10
Let it be so, Lord. Thank You for this Gift. Thank you for your love, grace and mercy. May we extend it to others always.
